Lolololololololololol fanfiction
Sep. 22nd, 2010 11:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kittybeardI HAD AN URGE. To write established relationship sorta fluff. All because I listened to a goddamn French song. (so i can safely blame this on ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jmie). But I needed there to be more meat to it.
So I tackled a Jimmy-Chazz relationship issue. I'm sure they have em. Chazz is afterall a BIG MANLY MAN and probably ain't into everything Jimmy is.
NO SHIT SHERLOCK.
Okay, here we go xD
Title: Stupid Boat Ride (...XD yea, idk. It will make sense!)
Wordcount: 5059
Rating: PG, maybe PG-13. NO SEX SRY.
Summary: Chazz has to find a way to deal with the things that Jimmy likes.
Chazz didn’t know much about being in a long-term relationship, but he figured everything was going well enough. He was still, even in the months and months and months they’d been dating, learning about his partner and certain quirks, disappointments, and disturbing obsessions. It was hard to keep up for someone like him, but he did because Jimmy meant everything to him.
He had learned to eat better for Jimmy’s sake, he actually washed the dishes sometimes, put up with Jimmy’s need to sparkle the crap out of himself before they went out for a night, and he listened to more Backstreet Boys than he had ever wanted to hear. That was only the tip of the iceberg, but when it came down to it, those things didn’t matter too much. After all, Chazz had his own quirks too, like his demand to eat his dinner off his red wolf plate every night and his love for prepping Jimmy’s hair.
But there was still obviously more to be desired.
One day he could remember they were at a large mall, just walking around. Jimmy noticed there was a Build-A-Bear and he was suddenly walking faster than Chazz felt like going. He met up with Jimmy moments later in the store which was mostly empty; there were only a couple of little kids and some teenagers. Not to mention, there were some positively hot chicks about 20 years younger than him working the cash registers and the giant fluffing machine. Chazz made a face. He was definitely a sexy fish out of water in that place full of shelves of sharply dressed stuffed animals with clothes and little mini shoes loaded onto racks.
“Chazz Chazz Chazz!” Jimmy was saying excitedly and pointing at the stuffed animals. “Look – they have you!” he said, pointing at a plush gray wolf.
“My fur would be different. Can we go?”
“No! I want to get it,” Jimmy declared, that all too familiar look of determination creeping up on his face. And frankly, that look confused Chazz. He’d seen that look when they practiced or talked about getting the gold again, but Jimmy was just so damn serious about his stuffed animals… “You should get one too!”
“No. I thought you liked bears?”
“I have all those,” Jimmy said, gesturing at the other bears lined up on the wall.
Chazz took a look. “Oh. Those all came from here!? Whatever. Look, can we go?” He didn’t want to beg, but he would if he had to.
“I’m just going to get him! Then I’ll find him a shirt and we can go.” Jimmy took an empty wolf skin from the bin of many dead looking stuffed animal hides. It was a little disturbing in a way. He started over to the fluff machine, where the pretty young...girl…man…whatever it was ask him how fluffy he’d like his wolf. “Huggable, so not too firm,” Jimmy said with a smile on his face.
Chazz groaned and crept up behind him. He gave Jimmy’s ass a friendly squeeze. Jimmy looked at him like he’d just done something completely unforgiveable. “What? I’m just being supportive.”
“You’re being annoying,” Jimmy said, before testing his wolf. “Yea, that’s stuffed enough,” he declared before being instructed to pick a red heart from the bin and give it a kiss.
“Jimmy…okay, fine. I can’t watch this,” he announced as Jimmy actually kissed to stupid flat little red heart. “I’m going to that place with all the coffee.”
“…Starbucks?”
“Yea. Seeya there,” Chazz said and escaped from that store as fast as he could, getting away from teddy bear hell aka Jimmy’s preferred church of heaven. With that thought in mind, he felt very thankful that Jimmy at least wasn’t religious. He found a spot in Starbucks and bought a big caffeinated thing of death. Then maybe he would have the energy to put on an excited face for Jimmy’s purchase.
Mostly, he just wanted to go home and have some sex.
Jimmy entered about half an hour later, carrying a large white box with illustrations of bears in a little town – the box holding his latest addition to the stuffed animal room in their house. Chazz tried not to go in there too much. He waved at Jimmy. “Hey! Want me to get you a smoothie or something chocolate?”
Jimmy’s icy stare said otherwise, and when he sat with Chazz, at first he was completely quiet. He gave only the shortest answers he could, and though he accepted a smoothie from Chazz, he didn’t look satisfied.
When they got home the icy disposition continued. Unfortunately, Chazz didn’t get any sex that night.
--------------------
By the next day of course, they had made up. Jimmy never stayed mad that long, and Chazz always felt bad enough that his apologies were actually real, and he put a lot of effort into cheering Jimmy back up – breakfast in bed, some candy, and, if Jimmy would accept it, the sex could be ALL about him. Usually Jimmy did take that too, because Chazz was GOOD at what he did.
Still, the Build-A-Bear incident was not an isolated occurrence. Chazz didn’t really care about the judgments passed on him – with the exception of trying to come off as one sexy, badass ice skater who was surrounded by pure awesome; he didn’t worry about it so much. If the hot girls at the Build-A-Bear had laughed at him, so what? At the end of the day he still got to bang Jimmy. Not to mention, he didn’t have to work in that place because he was rich off of TALENT.
That didn’t mean that he always felt comfortable with everything Jimmy wanted him to do, though.
One warm day they found themselves at the Chatfield Reservoir, a lake in a beautiful state park. Chazz had mentioned wanting to hike a little, and Jimmy wanted a day out. They were both men who liked their luxuries, their comforts such as TV couches, and enjoyed the bright lights of a city setting. But there was something nice about going somewhere new, where the water wasn’t frozen.
There was a special going that day. A romantic special and Chazz saw it on a sign as they drove there. He hoped and hoped that Jimmy wouldn’t see it…
“Chazz! Look! They have LOVEBOATS!” Jimmy said, actually sticking his arm out the passenger side window and pointing at the pink sign decorated with balloons. “I wonder why?”
“Hell if I know. But there’s probably a bunch of people and we have a lot of walking to do,” he commented. Chazz wasn’t very anal about sticking to plans; he actually loved to be spontaneous, and just DO things. But Jimmy was a plan lover, and maybe he could use that to his advantage.
“Yea, I guess you’re right…I know we’re supposed to be in the woods a while where there are no…no…” He wrinkled his nose and whined. “Chaaaazz, there aren’t any bathrooms!”
“Shit in the woods!”
“That’s gross!”
“Jimmy if you shit in the woods, who’s gonna hear? Really?”
“That’s the line about the tree, douche.”
“Trees don’t shit. Do they?”
Jimmy made a sound and gave up trying to understand Chazz talk.
They pulled into the dirt parking lot which was actually pretty crammed full. Chazz was a little surprised, until he noticed the high number of boy-girl pairings climbing out and following the sign to the dock. Oh yea. Loveboats. He glared at them, a little. He didn’t usually care about it, but somehow it bothered him that every couple was straight. Gay sex was so much fun, why didn’t more people try it?
He turned to see Jimmy paying attention too. Not good. He took out the light hiking pack he had forced Jimmy to use, so he at least had some food, toilet paper, various good smelling body sprays, a panic teddy, and numerous other Jimmy things to get him through the day. Since Chazz didn’t need all that crap, he threw his lunch in with Jimmy’s.
And of course, Jimmy just glared at the pack. “Why do I have to carry it? You made me bring it!”
“It’s mostly your stuff Princess.”
“You still made me bring it. And this whole trip was your idea. I thought we could go to a zoo or something, or maybe a spa. We could at least go on the loveboats.”
Chazz sighed and took the pack, putting it on himself. “Let’s go,” he said.
As he thought, Jimmy did whine for the first part of the hike. The boy liked being outdoors, but he didn’t like actual traveling in the outdoors. “Why are we doing this?” he asked at one point.
Chazz was successfully able to silence him by telling him, “Because I’m a wolf, and you’re the wolf that runs with me. Wolves like to be outside.” Jimmy fell silent except for the occasional sound of a snort or a large sigh when they went up a steep hill or had to navigate bushes. He sure didn’t move so quickly in the woods. He hadn’t even known what to wear, until Chazz got him into jeans and sneakers.
They didn’t speak again until they reached their destination – there was a picnic area that offered a beautiful view of the lake, with a map of more trails and a little museum. Jimmy whined again, saying he didn’t know what the point of all that was. Chazz rolled his eyes. What did he expect, a large cuddly prize?
Chazz sat down at a picnic table to take out their lunch. “Ready to eat man?”
“I guess,” Jimmy said, sitting down next to him and leaning against Chazz. “So this really is what we came for?”
“Yea. Does it really bother you that much!?” Chazz was about ready to offer Jimmy a free swim in the lake.
Jimmy saved his own hide by twisting around and kissing Chazz on the neck. “I guess not. It just seemed weird to see you want to wander around in the woods so bad, I mean it’s not drinking and it’s not picking up ladies.”
Chazz felt his defenses go up immediately; even though Jimmy was the one person he trusted enough to let them down around. “Dude when I was younger we used to sneak off into the woods to have beer and have sex! They totally go dick in butt.”
“…Hand in hand. And you grew up in the city!”
“Yea well…sometimes we went on trips!” Chazz said, starting to work himself up. He didn’t know why he still did that, with someone to rely on.
“Hey.” Jimmy turned more where he was sitting and let his arms go around Chazz. “It’s just me.”
Chazz closed his eyes and took a deep breath to keep everything under control. “I just really wanted to, okay? Because I like to do this stuff but it just sounds retarded to be all ‘oooh, I want to go into the woods!’ But its fun and I didn’t have anyone to go with before so…so THERE.”
Jimmy gave him a squeeze. “Okay. But just so you know, you’re pretty dumb for being nervous about a manly thing like hiking while you slap on glitter all the time to ice skate.”
Chazz turned around in outrage as Jimmy let go of him and started to laugh really hard. He held his stomach as Chazz glared. And Chazz really was angry at first, until he realized Jimmy was lightening the mood with kind of a valid point. “Yea well, you’re letting the dumb guy fuck you!”
Jimmy’s eyes went wide for a second but he didn’t stop laughing. He let himself slide slowly to the ground, at which point Chazz got the hint and got off the table himself to pin Jimmy down and “punish” him.
-------------
They were leaving the picnic site, bellies full and remarkably more content, although there was a slight peeing issue. Chazz didn’t understand it; he had Jimmy naked on the floor half an hour before that and there was no problem. But they dealt with it and were coming down the trail hand in hand before they reached another point where they could see the lake. The “loveboats” were all over the place.
“I still want to go on one,” Jimmy sighed.
“Why?” Chazz asked, looking at them as well.
“It’s something romantic to do…don’t you want to go do something romantic?”
“I am totally romantic with you,” Chazz said, giving Jimmy a devilish grin.
“Oh…” Jimmy laughed. “Yea but…well I mean besides private things, we never get snocones together or anything.”
Chazz wanted to say ‘you knew what you were getting into’, but he bit his tongue because that would just be an asshole thing to say…he didn’t feel like being like that. “Yea well… I tend to think I do a pretty good job at home! Have I said ‘I love you’ today?” he asked, hamming it up.
“You told me several times,” Jimmy said, blushing. “You always say it…it’s just I want to DO something to show it like a date or…or something. And we’re here today. They’re doing the boats today.”
Chazz frowned. “Oh gee ‘I love you too Chazz’, how ‘bout it?”
Jimmy stuck his tongue out. “I love you too. And I want to bring you on the stupid boat, so let’s go!” he said, moving along before Chazz could say anything more.
-------------------
They were far worse than he thought.
Peddle-boats. Freakin’ peddle-boats.
Chazz stood on the dock while Jimmy went to a stand just as decorated with balloons as the sign on the road had been. The boats were for some sort of…”something Awareness Event”…he hadn’t been paying attention. Jimmy would know. But for the time being, Chazz had oddly decided it was for the “Bear Awareness Event”. He wasn’t even sure why it amused him so.
Jimmy came racing back with tickets and he practically jumped on Chazz before steering him into the line, which was dwindling that far into the day. It was still quite warm, but getting on in the afternoon and many had already gotten their fill. The boats had hearts. So many hearts. And they were all plastic like and AGAIN. PEDDLE. BOATS. Could it get any more embarrassing than being on a heart themed peddle boat?
Chazz really was turning red about it. And it wasn’t all about how the public would see him but…also how Jimmy would see him. In Chazz’s own mind, Jimmy regarded him as tough, manly, with a soft spot sure, but no weakness that would allow him to crawl into one of those stupid boats. He didn’t want to be someone different than the man Jimmy had come to know. He didn’t want to be…someone who wasn’t true to himself – someone Jimmy may not find as attractive.
“Jesus, I don’t want to do this,” he groaned. “I really don’t.”
“You’ll like it, we’ll find a secluded area,” Jimmy said as he handed Chazz a life jacket. They were required to wear them.
Chazz just frowned.
Soon enough, they were helped into one of the boats. Chazz was relieved to see the man helping them in didn’t give them any looks or treat them any differently. Maybe he was too afraid to. Once Jimmy and Chazz were in the boat, Chazz sat there and stewed, and had to be harassed by Jimmy into actually peddling.
They weren’t allowed to take the boat far, and had it for half an hour. Chazz forced them to take it the farthest they could. Then he stopped paddling.
“Come on Chazz…I want to take it around the edge of the lake!” Jimmy said, happily.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Look, I’m just not into this romantic boat thing, okay?” he said, glaring at the lake. He could see fish. He wanted to go fishing. That was manly.
“Well we can just kind of be lazy and peddle slowly and talk about what we want to eat and stuff…It’s not so bad.”
“And then I suppose we can frolic home to the drive-in theater and get ready for prom!”
“…Huh!?” Jimmy was obviously confused.
And honestly, Chazz had used about the poorest snappy comeback he could. “This isn’t me Jimmy.”
Jimmy was silent for a few minutes, and as they floated there, Chazz felt confident that he “won”. But, it wasn’t to be. “Well I liked it out here. And I wish you would do more things like this with me, Chazz,” Jimmy said with a sigh.
“We do enough. I go to movies with you all the time.” That did include the drive in types he had bit Jimmy’s head off about just before. “And eat dinner, and walk, and I even shop with you…”
“Yea, but the real romantic things…” Jimmy sighed, dreamily. “I know it makes me seem more like…a girl…and I’m not! You know that,” Jimmy said quietly, well aware of how he came off.
“But, I dreamed about doing this stuff with someone even when I was little and my dad was messing me up. I watched the movies.”
“Movies aren’t real life.”
“Some are.”
“Like what? SEABISCUIT!?”
“Of course you’d choose the horse movie.”
“It’s not about sailors…?”
Jimmy’s eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. “All I know is all I asked of you so far today is to take me out on the boat. We did what you wanted to do. We always do what you want to do even though everyone refers to me as the bratty one. I go out with you to drink, we watch action movies, we’re doing the skating routine you want with the wolf, heck you even picked out the bed…why can’t we just go be romantic, Chazz? I know we were never built on traditional romance but…” His gaze softened. “I just want to share these things with you. I want to know what it’s like to do these silly things with someone I love.”
Chazz tried to digest the words…he tried to see what Jimmy was saying, and for the sake of his relationship, he knew he had to bend. But instead, already worked up, Chazz said the stupid thing he had bit back earlier. “You knew what you were getting into.”
Jimmy looked like he’d been stricken and Chazz regretted speaking immediately, but his pride wouldn’t allow him to apologize. Jimmy’s eyes were wide, he was hurt, and he directed his attention to the lake in front of him. “Better…better go back…” he said, as though he was in a trance.
Chazz just nodded, and they went back to the dock.
As they walked back to the car, Chazz knew he had to make it right. “Jimmy…”
But that was all he got before Jimmy suddenly whirled on him, anger in his face, his finger in Chazz’s face, trembling. “You know what? No, Chazz. Yea, I knew what I was getting into. I guess. Maybe I don’t want to be in it anymore if nothing will change!” he yelled, turning the heads of the few people in the parking lot.
“You...what!? You don’t mean that!” Chazz yelled back.
“Oh yes I do! If you can’t be with me for a stupid boat ride, then maybe you shouldn’t be with me at all!” he said, trying to open the passenger side door of the car. It wouldn’t open, as Chazz had yet to unlock it. Jimmy’s mouth opened in confusion. “Ugh!” he yelled, and kicked the tire in frustration. “Unlock the fucking door!”
Chazz stared. Jimmy pretty much never dropped the f-bomb. He had to be pissed. And it pissed Chazz off. And he wanted to yell and scream back and tell Jimmy he’d never find anyone better than him. But his self control, the little he had, kicked in. Chazz swallowed, telling himself if he was calm, he could drink later, he could relax later, this would pass.
Not completely convinced, he unlocked the car doors and they drove away in an uncomfortable silence.
------------------------
Jimmy apologized. He apologized several times. He had never meant to hurt Chazz, he said, and he never wanted to leave him. He was just mad about the boats. He hugged and kissed Chazz, and practically forced him into the bed when he saw Chazz making for the couch to sleep. Chazz accepted it all, but he was stiff, fear still coursing through his veins at the thought of losing Jimmy. Once, a long time ago, he had not been like that, but he couldn’t remember how he had been so detached.
Falling in love did that.
All he did for the next week was worry, which worried Jimmy. Chazz drank more and responded less, and he was even less interested in sex. When he turned Jimmy down two nights in a row, Jimmy grabbed the phone to call for an ambulance. It took some convincing, but Chazz finally got him calmed down and into bed.
“I won’t leave you,” Jimmy had said one of the mornings following as they lay awake following the alarm clock. “I wouldn’t,” he whispered.
They were both still in the waking up haze, when things felt different than they were and it was as though they floated in a different world. “Then why’d you say it?” Chazz asked. He hadn’t asked why until that point.
“Because I was angry. I wasn’t getting my way.”
“But you were right.”
“Chazz, no…”
But Chazz would hear no more of that. He got up and took a shower, locking the door.
Of course, Chazz had pissed himself off again. He realized that he was just being mopey. Jimmy was upset, and he was the one with the nerve to act like a mopey jackass. He was supposed to be showing Jimmy that he cared. Jimmy had not said that, but Chazz knew he had to. He had to do something, just a little change, small to say the least.
It might change the way Jimmy looked at him. It would do it enough to save them, hopefully.
But Chazz didn’t know what that was. He was romantic, but Jimmy needed a certain type of romantic. He’d have to use his head…
He was at least smart enough to agree to go ice skating casually with Jimmy one afternoon. As much as they both loved to skate, out of season, between competitions…they liked to rest a little. They were STILL working out the specifics of the routine Chazz wanted anyway, which meant they still had to touch on music. It was a welcome break to go to the local rink and know they didn’t have to work on anything in particular; they could just impress everyone with jumps. Hopefully it wouldn’t turn into an autographing fiasco like last time…
When they got to the rink, Chazz was surprised to see it lit up a little more than usual, with a small crown. Jimmy gave it an odd look as well, bordering on his well known confused look. They continued on though, to see what it was all about.
At the front of the crowd, a large bearded man was speaking over a microphone. “This weekend only! Couples skate free! And they skate free to some of the most romantic songs ever to hit the radio waves! Come join us, and sign up for our raffle!” he said, before lowering the mic to talk to some lady.
Chazz nearly moaned in annoyance. Nearly. He was starting to feel annoyed as anything when he realized – duh! He needed a way to make up with Jimmy in a way that felt genuine, good, and here it was! It was like walking into a room and getting a massage with his hand job.
He looked at Jimmy and was not surprised to see him looking so down. “Hey…”
“I guess we can’t go now, huh?”
“We’re going. Couples? For FREE? Oh, we’re getting in on that baby!” he said, taking Jimmy’s hand and dragging him forward.
“But we ALWAYS get in here free!” Jimmy said, laughing.
“You protesting?”
“No! No no no!” Jimmy said, and he hurried to keep in step with Chazz.
Chazz pushed through the crowd, which consisted of a lot of people just...standing there. He was guessing a lot of them were looking for dates to get in for free. There was a remarkably short line, though when they got in there were quite a few people on the rink. Jimmy and Chazz hurried to change into their skates, and then got out there before it got any more clogged. And they were just in time, too. When they got onto the ice, it was announced there would be a waiting period before anyone else could go in.
Chazz took Jimmy’s hand, drifting lazily with him. The ice was as natural as walking for them, and they enjoyed their time. Somehow they blocked out the others on the rink, and Chazz slowly began to feel more…natural. He still didn’t like romantic things that much, but the ice – the ice was a good baby step. And Jimmy? …Well, looking into his eyes reminded him of why he was there skating to love songs. And BOY, were they corny. Chazz liked older music, sure, but these were scratchy songs that sounded like they had popped out of the 50’s!
And as hard as he was trying, he had enough. Jimmy was enjoying it, but Jimmy did have a bit of a wider range of tastes in music, from Lady Gaga to…to whatever old stuff they were playing. Some of it wasn’t even in English!
“Can we um, take a break and just sit down? I’m not all fat and tired! This music is just getting to me,” he said, slowing Jimmy down with him to an eventual stop.
Jimmy tilted his head a little, and then hugged Chazz. “Sure. I’m getting kind of sick of it too. You’ve played me so much of your rock that I think I’m starting to prefer it,” he said with a smile.
And so they sat in the bleacher type seats that surrounded the rinks, where the small crowds sat for local hockey games, often between high schools. Jimmy leaned his head on Chazz’s shoulder while Chazz sat there, brooding a bit while feeling a little more optimistic. He didn’t want to seem like a wuss, a whipped fossil of what he once was, but he couldn’t help it. He loved Jimmy.
“Are we going to be okay?”
Jimmy was quiet. He picked his head up off Chazz’s shoulder and looked at him. “…Huh?”
“I…the boats and then…are we going to be okay? You would know.”
“Why would I know?”
Chazz just shrugged.
“…We’re going to be fine, Chazz. I know you. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I know you,” Jimmy repeated. “You always make it right.”
“By giving in and bending over?” Chazz asked, a defensive reflex.
Jimmy shook his head. “No.” He didn’t explain, but he kissed Chazz’s cheek.
They continued to sit there, waiting for the crowd to die down and for better music. They both wanted to skate again, but so far the rink was full. As the night went on though, couples left, many of them young. They likely had school, the next morning, although Chazz was unsure if colleges had started back or not. The announcer said there would be three last songs, and they would close for the night.
“Guess we better get out there,” Chazz said.
“We don’t have to,” said Jimmy, though he looked eager.
Chazz stared at him and as he did, a creaky sounding old French song began to play over the speakers. Jimmy’s face fell. And Chazz knew why…he REALLY didn’t want to skate to that! Too slow, and while he did not understand French, it was probably too sappy…
But it was Jimmy…
He put out his hand. “Come on. Take my hand.”
“Chazz…are you sure?” Jimmy said slowly, studying him.
“Yea. I know you like weird foreign songs,” he said, thinking back to Jimmy’s peacock routine.
“And I…I don’t, but this one doesn’t get on my nerves so much,” he said, noticing that the song in question had a slow but pleasant rhythm, relaxing, like two people waking up in the same bed in the morning or going for a walk…
What was that?
Chazz chased the thoughts from his head as he brought Jimmy to the ice, taking his hand and his waist as they got into their familiar waltz position. They stayed in it, dancing with each other, and Jimmy skated close enough to lay his head on Chazz’s shoulder.
“Des nuits d’amour à plus finir,
Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place,
Les ennuis, les chagrins s’effacent,
Heureux, heureux à en mourir.”
The song played, and Jimmy whispered. “Nights…”
“Hmmm?”
“Oh I don’t know, it’s something about night and love and roses and happiness or…or something. I mean, I know the words, but, I don’t.”
Jimmy was babbling…Chazz just stayed with him until the song ended, and then they were ushered from the rink. They changed quickly, and Chazz noticed that Jimmy had a look he had not seen in a while, a look of complete satisfaction. It was as if he was glowing.
He took Jimmy’s hand as they left again, feeling hopeful. Well, not completely. “I just…you should know, Jimmy, I don’t know how often I can do that. It was fun, but it’s…” The words didn’t want to come out.
“Not you.”
“…Yea.”
“That’s okay. Chazz, I would love you no matter what, but you as you are, the man who can’t get himself to go on boats or dance to old music all the time? That’s who I fell in love with to begin with.”
A smile tugged at Chazz’s lips as he walked. The French song played again in his head as they enjoyed the simple walk to their car, which seemed like so much more than it was. Chazz began to wonder if the song was being played on some kind of outside speaker. He felt strange. “You sure about that?” he asked Jimmy, knowing the answer.
Jimmy lifted Chazz’s hand and drew his arm across his shoulders. “Positive.”
jmie). But I needed there to be more meat to it.So I tackled a Jimmy-Chazz relationship issue. I'm sure they have em. Chazz is afterall a BIG MANLY MAN and probably ain't into everything Jimmy is.
NO SHIT SHERLOCK.
Okay, here we go xD
Title: Stupid Boat Ride (...XD yea, idk. It will make sense!)
Wordcount: 5059
Rating: PG, maybe PG-13. NO SEX SRY.
Summary: Chazz has to find a way to deal with the things that Jimmy likes.
Chazz didn’t know much about being in a long-term relationship, but he figured everything was going well enough. He was still, even in the months and months and months they’d been dating, learning about his partner and certain quirks, disappointments, and disturbing obsessions. It was hard to keep up for someone like him, but he did because Jimmy meant everything to him.
He had learned to eat better for Jimmy’s sake, he actually washed the dishes sometimes, put up with Jimmy’s need to sparkle the crap out of himself before they went out for a night, and he listened to more Backstreet Boys than he had ever wanted to hear. That was only the tip of the iceberg, but when it came down to it, those things didn’t matter too much. After all, Chazz had his own quirks too, like his demand to eat his dinner off his red wolf plate every night and his love for prepping Jimmy’s hair.
But there was still obviously more to be desired.
One day he could remember they were at a large mall, just walking around. Jimmy noticed there was a Build-A-Bear and he was suddenly walking faster than Chazz felt like going. He met up with Jimmy moments later in the store which was mostly empty; there were only a couple of little kids and some teenagers. Not to mention, there were some positively hot chicks about 20 years younger than him working the cash registers and the giant fluffing machine. Chazz made a face. He was definitely a sexy fish out of water in that place full of shelves of sharply dressed stuffed animals with clothes and little mini shoes loaded onto racks.
“Chazz Chazz Chazz!” Jimmy was saying excitedly and pointing at the stuffed animals. “Look – they have you!” he said, pointing at a plush gray wolf.
“My fur would be different. Can we go?”
“No! I want to get it,” Jimmy declared, that all too familiar look of determination creeping up on his face. And frankly, that look confused Chazz. He’d seen that look when they practiced or talked about getting the gold again, but Jimmy was just so damn serious about his stuffed animals… “You should get one too!”
“No. I thought you liked bears?”
“I have all those,” Jimmy said, gesturing at the other bears lined up on the wall.
Chazz took a look. “Oh. Those all came from here!? Whatever. Look, can we go?” He didn’t want to beg, but he would if he had to.
“I’m just going to get him! Then I’ll find him a shirt and we can go.” Jimmy took an empty wolf skin from the bin of many dead looking stuffed animal hides. It was a little disturbing in a way. He started over to the fluff machine, where the pretty young...girl…man…whatever it was ask him how fluffy he’d like his wolf. “Huggable, so not too firm,” Jimmy said with a smile on his face.
Chazz groaned and crept up behind him. He gave Jimmy’s ass a friendly squeeze. Jimmy looked at him like he’d just done something completely unforgiveable. “What? I’m just being supportive.”
“You’re being annoying,” Jimmy said, before testing his wolf. “Yea, that’s stuffed enough,” he declared before being instructed to pick a red heart from the bin and give it a kiss.
“Jimmy…okay, fine. I can’t watch this,” he announced as Jimmy actually kissed to stupid flat little red heart. “I’m going to that place with all the coffee.”
“…Starbucks?”
“Yea. Seeya there,” Chazz said and escaped from that store as fast as he could, getting away from teddy bear hell aka Jimmy’s preferred church of heaven. With that thought in mind, he felt very thankful that Jimmy at least wasn’t religious. He found a spot in Starbucks and bought a big caffeinated thing of death. Then maybe he would have the energy to put on an excited face for Jimmy’s purchase.
Mostly, he just wanted to go home and have some sex.
Jimmy entered about half an hour later, carrying a large white box with illustrations of bears in a little town – the box holding his latest addition to the stuffed animal room in their house. Chazz tried not to go in there too much. He waved at Jimmy. “Hey! Want me to get you a smoothie or something chocolate?”
Jimmy’s icy stare said otherwise, and when he sat with Chazz, at first he was completely quiet. He gave only the shortest answers he could, and though he accepted a smoothie from Chazz, he didn’t look satisfied.
When they got home the icy disposition continued. Unfortunately, Chazz didn’t get any sex that night.
--------------------
By the next day of course, they had made up. Jimmy never stayed mad that long, and Chazz always felt bad enough that his apologies were actually real, and he put a lot of effort into cheering Jimmy back up – breakfast in bed, some candy, and, if Jimmy would accept it, the sex could be ALL about him. Usually Jimmy did take that too, because Chazz was GOOD at what he did.
Still, the Build-A-Bear incident was not an isolated occurrence. Chazz didn’t really care about the judgments passed on him – with the exception of trying to come off as one sexy, badass ice skater who was surrounded by pure awesome; he didn’t worry about it so much. If the hot girls at the Build-A-Bear had laughed at him, so what? At the end of the day he still got to bang Jimmy. Not to mention, he didn’t have to work in that place because he was rich off of TALENT.
That didn’t mean that he always felt comfortable with everything Jimmy wanted him to do, though.
One warm day they found themselves at the Chatfield Reservoir, a lake in a beautiful state park. Chazz had mentioned wanting to hike a little, and Jimmy wanted a day out. They were both men who liked their luxuries, their comforts such as TV couches, and enjoyed the bright lights of a city setting. But there was something nice about going somewhere new, where the water wasn’t frozen.
There was a special going that day. A romantic special and Chazz saw it on a sign as they drove there. He hoped and hoped that Jimmy wouldn’t see it…
“Chazz! Look! They have LOVEBOATS!” Jimmy said, actually sticking his arm out the passenger side window and pointing at the pink sign decorated with balloons. “I wonder why?”
“Hell if I know. But there’s probably a bunch of people and we have a lot of walking to do,” he commented. Chazz wasn’t very anal about sticking to plans; he actually loved to be spontaneous, and just DO things. But Jimmy was a plan lover, and maybe he could use that to his advantage.
“Yea, I guess you’re right…I know we’re supposed to be in the woods a while where there are no…no…” He wrinkled his nose and whined. “Chaaaazz, there aren’t any bathrooms!”
“Shit in the woods!”
“That’s gross!”
“Jimmy if you shit in the woods, who’s gonna hear? Really?”
“That’s the line about the tree, douche.”
“Trees don’t shit. Do they?”
Jimmy made a sound and gave up trying to understand Chazz talk.
They pulled into the dirt parking lot which was actually pretty crammed full. Chazz was a little surprised, until he noticed the high number of boy-girl pairings climbing out and following the sign to the dock. Oh yea. Loveboats. He glared at them, a little. He didn’t usually care about it, but somehow it bothered him that every couple was straight. Gay sex was so much fun, why didn’t more people try it?
He turned to see Jimmy paying attention too. Not good. He took out the light hiking pack he had forced Jimmy to use, so he at least had some food, toilet paper, various good smelling body sprays, a panic teddy, and numerous other Jimmy things to get him through the day. Since Chazz didn’t need all that crap, he threw his lunch in with Jimmy’s.
And of course, Jimmy just glared at the pack. “Why do I have to carry it? You made me bring it!”
“It’s mostly your stuff Princess.”
“You still made me bring it. And this whole trip was your idea. I thought we could go to a zoo or something, or maybe a spa. We could at least go on the loveboats.”
Chazz sighed and took the pack, putting it on himself. “Let’s go,” he said.
As he thought, Jimmy did whine for the first part of the hike. The boy liked being outdoors, but he didn’t like actual traveling in the outdoors. “Why are we doing this?” he asked at one point.
Chazz was successfully able to silence him by telling him, “Because I’m a wolf, and you’re the wolf that runs with me. Wolves like to be outside.” Jimmy fell silent except for the occasional sound of a snort or a large sigh when they went up a steep hill or had to navigate bushes. He sure didn’t move so quickly in the woods. He hadn’t even known what to wear, until Chazz got him into jeans and sneakers.
They didn’t speak again until they reached their destination – there was a picnic area that offered a beautiful view of the lake, with a map of more trails and a little museum. Jimmy whined again, saying he didn’t know what the point of all that was. Chazz rolled his eyes. What did he expect, a large cuddly prize?
Chazz sat down at a picnic table to take out their lunch. “Ready to eat man?”
“I guess,” Jimmy said, sitting down next to him and leaning against Chazz. “So this really is what we came for?”
“Yea. Does it really bother you that much!?” Chazz was about ready to offer Jimmy a free swim in the lake.
Jimmy saved his own hide by twisting around and kissing Chazz on the neck. “I guess not. It just seemed weird to see you want to wander around in the woods so bad, I mean it’s not drinking and it’s not picking up ladies.”
Chazz felt his defenses go up immediately; even though Jimmy was the one person he trusted enough to let them down around. “Dude when I was younger we used to sneak off into the woods to have beer and have sex! They totally go dick in butt.”
“…Hand in hand. And you grew up in the city!”
“Yea well…sometimes we went on trips!” Chazz said, starting to work himself up. He didn’t know why he still did that, with someone to rely on.
“Hey.” Jimmy turned more where he was sitting and let his arms go around Chazz. “It’s just me.”
Chazz closed his eyes and took a deep breath to keep everything under control. “I just really wanted to, okay? Because I like to do this stuff but it just sounds retarded to be all ‘oooh, I want to go into the woods!’ But its fun and I didn’t have anyone to go with before so…so THERE.”
Jimmy gave him a squeeze. “Okay. But just so you know, you’re pretty dumb for being nervous about a manly thing like hiking while you slap on glitter all the time to ice skate.”
Chazz turned around in outrage as Jimmy let go of him and started to laugh really hard. He held his stomach as Chazz glared. And Chazz really was angry at first, until he realized Jimmy was lightening the mood with kind of a valid point. “Yea well, you’re letting the dumb guy fuck you!”
Jimmy’s eyes went wide for a second but he didn’t stop laughing. He let himself slide slowly to the ground, at which point Chazz got the hint and got off the table himself to pin Jimmy down and “punish” him.
-------------
They were leaving the picnic site, bellies full and remarkably more content, although there was a slight peeing issue. Chazz didn’t understand it; he had Jimmy naked on the floor half an hour before that and there was no problem. But they dealt with it and were coming down the trail hand in hand before they reached another point where they could see the lake. The “loveboats” were all over the place.
“I still want to go on one,” Jimmy sighed.
“Why?” Chazz asked, looking at them as well.
“It’s something romantic to do…don’t you want to go do something romantic?”
“I am totally romantic with you,” Chazz said, giving Jimmy a devilish grin.
“Oh…” Jimmy laughed. “Yea but…well I mean besides private things, we never get snocones together or anything.”
Chazz wanted to say ‘you knew what you were getting into’, but he bit his tongue because that would just be an asshole thing to say…he didn’t feel like being like that. “Yea well… I tend to think I do a pretty good job at home! Have I said ‘I love you’ today?” he asked, hamming it up.
“You told me several times,” Jimmy said, blushing. “You always say it…it’s just I want to DO something to show it like a date or…or something. And we’re here today. They’re doing the boats today.”
Chazz frowned. “Oh gee ‘I love you too Chazz’, how ‘bout it?”
Jimmy stuck his tongue out. “I love you too. And I want to bring you on the stupid boat, so let’s go!” he said, moving along before Chazz could say anything more.
-------------------
They were far worse than he thought.
Peddle-boats. Freakin’ peddle-boats.
Chazz stood on the dock while Jimmy went to a stand just as decorated with balloons as the sign on the road had been. The boats were for some sort of…”something Awareness Event”…he hadn’t been paying attention. Jimmy would know. But for the time being, Chazz had oddly decided it was for the “Bear Awareness Event”. He wasn’t even sure why it amused him so.
Jimmy came racing back with tickets and he practically jumped on Chazz before steering him into the line, which was dwindling that far into the day. It was still quite warm, but getting on in the afternoon and many had already gotten their fill. The boats had hearts. So many hearts. And they were all plastic like and AGAIN. PEDDLE. BOATS. Could it get any more embarrassing than being on a heart themed peddle boat?
Chazz really was turning red about it. And it wasn’t all about how the public would see him but…also how Jimmy would see him. In Chazz’s own mind, Jimmy regarded him as tough, manly, with a soft spot sure, but no weakness that would allow him to crawl into one of those stupid boats. He didn’t want to be someone different than the man Jimmy had come to know. He didn’t want to be…someone who wasn’t true to himself – someone Jimmy may not find as attractive.
“Jesus, I don’t want to do this,” he groaned. “I really don’t.”
“You’ll like it, we’ll find a secluded area,” Jimmy said as he handed Chazz a life jacket. They were required to wear them.
Chazz just frowned.
Soon enough, they were helped into one of the boats. Chazz was relieved to see the man helping them in didn’t give them any looks or treat them any differently. Maybe he was too afraid to. Once Jimmy and Chazz were in the boat, Chazz sat there and stewed, and had to be harassed by Jimmy into actually peddling.
They weren’t allowed to take the boat far, and had it for half an hour. Chazz forced them to take it the farthest they could. Then he stopped paddling.
“Come on Chazz…I want to take it around the edge of the lake!” Jimmy said, happily.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Look, I’m just not into this romantic boat thing, okay?” he said, glaring at the lake. He could see fish. He wanted to go fishing. That was manly.
“Well we can just kind of be lazy and peddle slowly and talk about what we want to eat and stuff…It’s not so bad.”
“And then I suppose we can frolic home to the drive-in theater and get ready for prom!”
“…Huh!?” Jimmy was obviously confused.
And honestly, Chazz had used about the poorest snappy comeback he could. “This isn’t me Jimmy.”
Jimmy was silent for a few minutes, and as they floated there, Chazz felt confident that he “won”. But, it wasn’t to be. “Well I liked it out here. And I wish you would do more things like this with me, Chazz,” Jimmy said with a sigh.
“We do enough. I go to movies with you all the time.” That did include the drive in types he had bit Jimmy’s head off about just before. “And eat dinner, and walk, and I even shop with you…”
“Yea, but the real romantic things…” Jimmy sighed, dreamily. “I know it makes me seem more like…a girl…and I’m not! You know that,” Jimmy said quietly, well aware of how he came off.
“But, I dreamed about doing this stuff with someone even when I was little and my dad was messing me up. I watched the movies.”
“Movies aren’t real life.”
“Some are.”
“Like what? SEABISCUIT!?”
“Of course you’d choose the horse movie.”
“It’s not about sailors…?”
Jimmy’s eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. “All I know is all I asked of you so far today is to take me out on the boat. We did what you wanted to do. We always do what you want to do even though everyone refers to me as the bratty one. I go out with you to drink, we watch action movies, we’re doing the skating routine you want with the wolf, heck you even picked out the bed…why can’t we just go be romantic, Chazz? I know we were never built on traditional romance but…” His gaze softened. “I just want to share these things with you. I want to know what it’s like to do these silly things with someone I love.”
Chazz tried to digest the words…he tried to see what Jimmy was saying, and for the sake of his relationship, he knew he had to bend. But instead, already worked up, Chazz said the stupid thing he had bit back earlier. “You knew what you were getting into.”
Jimmy looked like he’d been stricken and Chazz regretted speaking immediately, but his pride wouldn’t allow him to apologize. Jimmy’s eyes were wide, he was hurt, and he directed his attention to the lake in front of him. “Better…better go back…” he said, as though he was in a trance.
Chazz just nodded, and they went back to the dock.
As they walked back to the car, Chazz knew he had to make it right. “Jimmy…”
But that was all he got before Jimmy suddenly whirled on him, anger in his face, his finger in Chazz’s face, trembling. “You know what? No, Chazz. Yea, I knew what I was getting into. I guess. Maybe I don’t want to be in it anymore if nothing will change!” he yelled, turning the heads of the few people in the parking lot.
“You...what!? You don’t mean that!” Chazz yelled back.
“Oh yes I do! If you can’t be with me for a stupid boat ride, then maybe you shouldn’t be with me at all!” he said, trying to open the passenger side door of the car. It wouldn’t open, as Chazz had yet to unlock it. Jimmy’s mouth opened in confusion. “Ugh!” he yelled, and kicked the tire in frustration. “Unlock the fucking door!”
Chazz stared. Jimmy pretty much never dropped the f-bomb. He had to be pissed. And it pissed Chazz off. And he wanted to yell and scream back and tell Jimmy he’d never find anyone better than him. But his self control, the little he had, kicked in. Chazz swallowed, telling himself if he was calm, he could drink later, he could relax later, this would pass.
Not completely convinced, he unlocked the car doors and they drove away in an uncomfortable silence.
------------------------
Jimmy apologized. He apologized several times. He had never meant to hurt Chazz, he said, and he never wanted to leave him. He was just mad about the boats. He hugged and kissed Chazz, and practically forced him into the bed when he saw Chazz making for the couch to sleep. Chazz accepted it all, but he was stiff, fear still coursing through his veins at the thought of losing Jimmy. Once, a long time ago, he had not been like that, but he couldn’t remember how he had been so detached.
Falling in love did that.
All he did for the next week was worry, which worried Jimmy. Chazz drank more and responded less, and he was even less interested in sex. When he turned Jimmy down two nights in a row, Jimmy grabbed the phone to call for an ambulance. It took some convincing, but Chazz finally got him calmed down and into bed.
“I won’t leave you,” Jimmy had said one of the mornings following as they lay awake following the alarm clock. “I wouldn’t,” he whispered.
They were both still in the waking up haze, when things felt different than they were and it was as though they floated in a different world. “Then why’d you say it?” Chazz asked. He hadn’t asked why until that point.
“Because I was angry. I wasn’t getting my way.”
“But you were right.”
“Chazz, no…”
But Chazz would hear no more of that. He got up and took a shower, locking the door.
Of course, Chazz had pissed himself off again. He realized that he was just being mopey. Jimmy was upset, and he was the one with the nerve to act like a mopey jackass. He was supposed to be showing Jimmy that he cared. Jimmy had not said that, but Chazz knew he had to. He had to do something, just a little change, small to say the least.
It might change the way Jimmy looked at him. It would do it enough to save them, hopefully.
But Chazz didn’t know what that was. He was romantic, but Jimmy needed a certain type of romantic. He’d have to use his head…
He was at least smart enough to agree to go ice skating casually with Jimmy one afternoon. As much as they both loved to skate, out of season, between competitions…they liked to rest a little. They were STILL working out the specifics of the routine Chazz wanted anyway, which meant they still had to touch on music. It was a welcome break to go to the local rink and know they didn’t have to work on anything in particular; they could just impress everyone with jumps. Hopefully it wouldn’t turn into an autographing fiasco like last time…
When they got to the rink, Chazz was surprised to see it lit up a little more than usual, with a small crown. Jimmy gave it an odd look as well, bordering on his well known confused look. They continued on though, to see what it was all about.
At the front of the crowd, a large bearded man was speaking over a microphone. “This weekend only! Couples skate free! And they skate free to some of the most romantic songs ever to hit the radio waves! Come join us, and sign up for our raffle!” he said, before lowering the mic to talk to some lady.
Chazz nearly moaned in annoyance. Nearly. He was starting to feel annoyed as anything when he realized – duh! He needed a way to make up with Jimmy in a way that felt genuine, good, and here it was! It was like walking into a room and getting a massage with his hand job.
He looked at Jimmy and was not surprised to see him looking so down. “Hey…”
“I guess we can’t go now, huh?”
“We’re going. Couples? For FREE? Oh, we’re getting in on that baby!” he said, taking Jimmy’s hand and dragging him forward.
“But we ALWAYS get in here free!” Jimmy said, laughing.
“You protesting?”
“No! No no no!” Jimmy said, and he hurried to keep in step with Chazz.
Chazz pushed through the crowd, which consisted of a lot of people just...standing there. He was guessing a lot of them were looking for dates to get in for free. There was a remarkably short line, though when they got in there were quite a few people on the rink. Jimmy and Chazz hurried to change into their skates, and then got out there before it got any more clogged. And they were just in time, too. When they got onto the ice, it was announced there would be a waiting period before anyone else could go in.
Chazz took Jimmy’s hand, drifting lazily with him. The ice was as natural as walking for them, and they enjoyed their time. Somehow they blocked out the others on the rink, and Chazz slowly began to feel more…natural. He still didn’t like romantic things that much, but the ice – the ice was a good baby step. And Jimmy? …Well, looking into his eyes reminded him of why he was there skating to love songs. And BOY, were they corny. Chazz liked older music, sure, but these were scratchy songs that sounded like they had popped out of the 50’s!
And as hard as he was trying, he had enough. Jimmy was enjoying it, but Jimmy did have a bit of a wider range of tastes in music, from Lady Gaga to…to whatever old stuff they were playing. Some of it wasn’t even in English!
“Can we um, take a break and just sit down? I’m not all fat and tired! This music is just getting to me,” he said, slowing Jimmy down with him to an eventual stop.
Jimmy tilted his head a little, and then hugged Chazz. “Sure. I’m getting kind of sick of it too. You’ve played me so much of your rock that I think I’m starting to prefer it,” he said with a smile.
And so they sat in the bleacher type seats that surrounded the rinks, where the small crowds sat for local hockey games, often between high schools. Jimmy leaned his head on Chazz’s shoulder while Chazz sat there, brooding a bit while feeling a little more optimistic. He didn’t want to seem like a wuss, a whipped fossil of what he once was, but he couldn’t help it. He loved Jimmy.
“Are we going to be okay?”
Jimmy was quiet. He picked his head up off Chazz’s shoulder and looked at him. “…Huh?”
“I…the boats and then…are we going to be okay? You would know.”
“Why would I know?”
Chazz just shrugged.
“…We’re going to be fine, Chazz. I know you. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I know you,” Jimmy repeated. “You always make it right.”
“By giving in and bending over?” Chazz asked, a defensive reflex.
Jimmy shook his head. “No.” He didn’t explain, but he kissed Chazz’s cheek.
They continued to sit there, waiting for the crowd to die down and for better music. They both wanted to skate again, but so far the rink was full. As the night went on though, couples left, many of them young. They likely had school, the next morning, although Chazz was unsure if colleges had started back or not. The announcer said there would be three last songs, and they would close for the night.
“Guess we better get out there,” Chazz said.
“We don’t have to,” said Jimmy, though he looked eager.
Chazz stared at him and as he did, a creaky sounding old French song began to play over the speakers. Jimmy’s face fell. And Chazz knew why…he REALLY didn’t want to skate to that! Too slow, and while he did not understand French, it was probably too sappy…
But it was Jimmy…
He put out his hand. “Come on. Take my hand.”
“Chazz…are you sure?” Jimmy said slowly, studying him.
“Yea. I know you like weird foreign songs,” he said, thinking back to Jimmy’s peacock routine.
“And I…I don’t, but this one doesn’t get on my nerves so much,” he said, noticing that the song in question had a slow but pleasant rhythm, relaxing, like two people waking up in the same bed in the morning or going for a walk…
What was that?
Chazz chased the thoughts from his head as he brought Jimmy to the ice, taking his hand and his waist as they got into their familiar waltz position. They stayed in it, dancing with each other, and Jimmy skated close enough to lay his head on Chazz’s shoulder.
“Des nuits d’amour à plus finir,
Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place,
Les ennuis, les chagrins s’effacent,
Heureux, heureux à en mourir.”
The song played, and Jimmy whispered. “Nights…”
“Hmmm?”
“Oh I don’t know, it’s something about night and love and roses and happiness or…or something. I mean, I know the words, but, I don’t.”
Jimmy was babbling…Chazz just stayed with him until the song ended, and then they were ushered from the rink. They changed quickly, and Chazz noticed that Jimmy had a look he had not seen in a while, a look of complete satisfaction. It was as if he was glowing.
He took Jimmy’s hand as they left again, feeling hopeful. Well, not completely. “I just…you should know, Jimmy, I don’t know how often I can do that. It was fun, but it’s…” The words didn’t want to come out.
“Not you.”
“…Yea.”
“That’s okay. Chazz, I would love you no matter what, but you as you are, the man who can’t get himself to go on boats or dance to old music all the time? That’s who I fell in love with to begin with.”
A smile tugged at Chazz’s lips as he walked. The French song played again in his head as they enjoyed the simple walk to their car, which seemed like so much more than it was. Chazz began to wonder if the song was being played on some kind of outside speaker. He felt strange. “You sure about that?” he asked Jimmy, knowing the answer.
Jimmy lifted Chazz’s hand and drew his arm across his shoulders. “Positive.”
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Date: 2010-09-23 04:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-23 04:37 am (UTC)